It's the small stuff

At a recent Rotary talk a dad told me his one regret when his kids were young was turning down their offers to help him when he was doing home repairs, or yard work or car repairs The kids just wanted to be with their dad. Never mind they didn't know how to do the work or it would slow dad down.

Traditions

Check out this website, Joe Fitzpatrick turned his Sunday tradition of cooking meals into a book.

Strictly Sundays

Divorce Doesn't Mean Ignoring YOur Kids

I met a kid (19 year old) at the grocery store the other day. I wondered why he was working as a checker. Another clerk told me his mom died about 6 months ago and he was left alone with his brother. This "Kid" had worked his way up from the bottle return room (yuk) to support his brother and himself. When I asked where was his dad the answer was, "divorce."

That's didn't answer my question. The answer turned out dad was in another state and wasn't helping out his son. Like I said in Dads Matter, you are a dad to your kids forever, divorce is from your spouse NOT your children.

Dad vs Father

I was telling a woman about my book, Dads Matter, today and she said she had a father not a dad. When I asked her about the distinction, she said a father produces you and works to provide for you but a dad is much more.

Accountability

I was asked at a recent Rotary Club talk if I thought parent should be held legally and financially responsible for the crimes of the teens. What I got form his question is that parents are letting their kids get away with things so the government should hold the parent accountable.

Mom vs Wife

I heard an interesting distinction from a coworker the other day. My coworker said he was talking to his 16 year old son about the teen's disrespect towards the boys Mom. I suggested the teen should not talk to his mom like that. My coworker said he told his son not to talk to his wife like that. I think the use of my wife vs your mother made it a more powerful statement.

Getting Outside

The All Pro Dad organization sends out daily tips for dads. Here's one about getting kids to spend time outside. Now when I was a kid, we had to be made to spend time inside. But much like my last three posts, what has happened that we need the President, an author and a dad organization to tell us basic stuff.

Meals

On page 189 of in Defense of Food, Michael Pollan writes; "it is at the dinner table that we socialize and civilize our children, teaching them manners and the art of conversation. At the dinner table parents can determine portion sizes, model eating and drinking behavior, and enforce social norms about greed and gluttony and waste. Shared meals are about much more than fueling bodies; they are uniquely human institutions where our species developed language and this thing we call culture."

Why is it we need someone to write a book to tell us this stuff??

Education

So President Obama makes a speech to kids about the importance of education. Dads we should be all over this message. This is your job dads, not the president's, although it's a good message and great for him to reinforce the message

Excessive Parties

In Dads Matter I make a wrote that some parents springing for lavish parties for their teens. I amde the point that these parents setting their kids to expect bigger and bigger celebrations. I have wrote of one experience of a gilr who didn't consider her sweet 16 party to be of any significance.

In today's paper, August 30, 2009, there is an article by Ileana Morales that says many parents are cutting back due to the recession. But Ileana cited examples of parents cutting back. One family spent $14,000 for their daughters coming of age party, half of what they spent on their older daughter's party! Another family is spending $7,000 saving themselves $5,000. A party planner stated that families who would have spent $17,000 last year are now spending $12,000 and families who would have spent $35,000 are now spending $25,000.

I frankly don't understand this phenomena at all.

Daddy Ain't Happ

You've heard the expression "when momma's not happy nobody's happy." Well what happens when dad is not happy. An acquaintance recently said to me, "when dad's unhappy nobody cares."

What do you think, is it true for or an exaggeration?

Dads Matter Review

Check out the kind words Kelly Sandstrom (Workshops for Women) has to say about Dads Matter and Me.

Dads Matter Review

Being Open

Three things surprised me about today post.
First - I saw an aritcle in Sunday's Parade magazine by Bill O'Reilly using President Obama as an example of what positive things kids can learn from the President. The lesson are: Forgiveness, Respect, Persistence, hard work and In America, anything is possible.

Second - I read the entire article

Third I provided a link to the article.


Parade Magazine

More To Love

Fox has a new "reality" show that has "full" sized women in competition for a regular guy. I think it’s absolutely demeaning to all women to see a group of “regular” women waiting breathlessly to see if they get selected by this Luke or any man frankly. I wonder what ever happened to feminism and the women’s lib movement of the 60’s and 70’s.

Dads please teach your daughter that they can be powerful confident females without a man. Sure relationships are great but the obsession of being in relationship at all costs is destructive.

Setting Boundaries

I've said this before, parents must set rules, boundaries and limitations for their children. But setting the boundaries is just the start. You must also be willing to consistently enforce these boundaries. If you don't your children will know you don't mean it when you set boundaries.

You must "say what you do" and "do what you say."

Lemon Pepper Chicken

LEMON PEPPER CHICKEN (Grill Recipe)

Here’s an easy chicken recipe that works for boneless breasts or whole parts. I took this from Cooks.com and just removed the quantities. I don’t see how a half teaspoon more or less of one of the seasonings makes much of a difference.

You need enough lemon juice to act as a marinade. Use about equal quantities of the garlic salt, lemon pepper and oregano, a teaspoon or so. Just don’t overdo it. While I would love to go heavy on the lemon pepper I do have to consider my wife Sherry.

chicken pieces
garlic salt
lemon pepper seasoning
oregano
lemon juice – Sherry has finally convinced me to only use actual lemons.
Paprika

Sprinkle garlic salt, lemon pepper and oregano generously on both sides of chicken. Place in a container; pour lemon juice over chicken. Cover and refrigerate for several hours. Preheat grill. Place chicken pieces skin side up on grill. Cook chicken with cover down, on low to medium heat 50-55 minutes or until done. Turn and baste about every 10 minutes; (If you have a preferred grill method go for it.) Sprinkle with paprika. Makes 6 servings.

From Cooks.com

What's Your Greatest Asset

Is it kind, compassionate, excitable, analytical, uninhibited, insightful, intelligent, funny, charming or supportive? All good qualities. But if used exclusively or taken to the extreme, these assets can turn into your greatest liability.

The key is to use the appropriate quality at the appropriate time. Or do you react in the same old way all the time?

Blackberry or Children

This Sunday, July 5th, on Fareed Zakaria GPS, UK Foreign Secretary David Miliband spoke about his 4 ½ and 1 ½ year old children who change every weekend while he is away from home. He said “they are only children once and you don’t want to miss any of that.” “You have to switch off the Blackberry” “The thing that I’ve learned over the past 4 ½ years is you can’t multitask when it comes to your children.” “If you have limited time with them you have got to be with them, you can’t be half on the Blackberry.” “They are the sharpest cookies, they pick up if you are focused what’s on the Blackberry rather than what’s on their minds.”

Yet he summed it up at the end; “Yet it’s still not enough.”

It’s universal children what their dads in their lives!

David Milband Interview

The part about his children is in the last 3 minutes of the interview.

Doing the Dishes

Here's a link to a great letter-to-the-editor that makes a case for men to put their hands into hot water by doing the dishes.

Getting your Hands in Hot Water

Grilled Salmon

Bob’s Grilled Salmon

Salmon Fillet – with skin
Salt and pepper
Mayo – Low fat, if you prefer
Dill weed
Garlic clove

Place salmon skin down on a serving plate. Salt and pepper the salmon lightly. Mix dill weed and crushed garlic into Mayo. Spread a thin layer of the mayo mixture over the salmon meat. Grill, skin side down, using indirect method for 15 to 20 minutes.

Pretty darn simple huh? And it’s tastes great and looks like you are master chef. With the cost of salmon get just enough. However, leftovers tossed into a salad are good days later. Mix just enough dill and garlic to add flavor but not too much to be overpowering.

Spray the grill with PAM before firing up the grill. Once the salmon is on the grill don’t mess with it until you remove the fillet. Check for doneness by gently separating the flesh and checking for moisture. My wife Sherry likes the Salmon on the drier side. Be sure it’s cooked through; we don’t like raw or cold Salmon. Remove the salmon, skin and all with a large spatula.

Important – scrape or burn any salmon left on the grill. Don’t ruin your next steak with left over salmon flavor.

Seeing Relatives - When They're Alive!

I went to the memorial service for a friend's dad today. I heard a number of the family relatives talking about how long it has been since they had seen each other. It's curious how often it takes a death or serious tragedy for families to finally see each other.

Go visit someone you have seen for a while this weekend.

Being In Charge - Of Your Circumstances

Recently my son Jesse said "He is one hundred percent capable of changing his circumstances." I told Jesse he just summarized all self-help books and personal growth seminars in a few short words.

The funny thing was Jesse was referring to my dog who was being harassed by his dog. But it does not matter whether we are talking about dogs or people, it's still true.

Dads you can help stop the victim mentality that is so prevalent in this country. Just remember Jesse's profound words, "you are one percent capable of changing your circumstances."

Dads-Teach Boys Not to be Abusive

I read a short article on this topic in the USA Today Weekender Magazine. The message I took away was that abuse is a learned behavior. In the seminars I conducted with at-risk teen I certainly encountered this phenomena. Boys who were or saw abuse as a child in turn were abusive as they reached their teen years.

So dads what are you teaching your sons through your actions. Not just about abuse, but are you teaching your sons to be respectful? Talking to you sons is one things but the most effective teaching is through your own actions. How do you teach and talk to you wife, girl friend, daughter and women in general? Do you allow your young sons to watch some of the disrespectful TV shows and movie? What kind of music do your sons listen to?

You dads are the most influential factor in your sons lives!

Here is the link to the article:

http://www.usaweekend.com/09_issues/...each-boys.html

Dads Beings Leaders & Establishing Boundaries

John Rosemond's June 7 column (http://www.rosemond.com/view/389/21753/Weekly-Column---6909.html) touched on two areas that ran true for me.

First he said "... the 50's, the last decade during which parents were completely comfortable with their authority." I have personally run across way to many parents that are afraid of their kids and don't know how to say NO.

His second quote is "... the issue is boundaries. Parenting is a form of leadership,..." Dads you are not your kids friends. That's not your job. You can be friends with you children when they are 26, have moved out of the house and are supporting themselves. Your job, as you kids are growing up, is to provide your children with rules boundaries and limitations.

Dads Talking to their teens

I really need to clarify my previous post about abortion given all of the online responses to my letter to the editor.

http://www.gazettetimes.com/articles/2009/06/10/news/opinion/7edi04_hazletonletter060809.txt

What I really wanted to say is this; what can dads do so that their teenage sons and or daughters don't have unwanted pregnancies. That is what can a dad do or say so that there isn't a pregnancy in the first place or if there is a pregnancy that both parents raise their child.

June 5th, 2009

Below is a letter to the editor from the Corvallis GT about males and abortion follwoed by my response. I would like to see a discussion on getting to the root cause of the need for abortions rather that whether you agree or disagree with it.

June 3, 2009

Maybe, if there were a law that required the male half of a pregnancy to take half the responsibility for raising a child, there would be fewer abortions. Jane Sivetz, Corvallis

Here is the link to her letter and a number of responses;

http://www.gtconnect.com/articles/2009/06/06/news/opinion/5edi02_sivetzletter060309.txt

June 5, 2009

I would like to expand on Jane Sivetz’s letter about requiring “the male half of a pregnancy to take half responsibility for raising a child, there would be fewer abortions.” The supposed “debate” on the abortion issue is more each side stating why they are right and the other side is wrong. It’s been about clichés and one-liners that can fit on a bumper sticker.

Abortion is just the symptom. With all the talk and energy on abortion we are not dealing with the underlying issues. In my work with at-risk teens I personally witnessed girls who were deeply hurt and affected by having an abortion.

I invite anyone willing to actually discuss this situation and to state their position without blaming anyone to go to my blog www.dadsmatter.com.

Mad At Dad

March 9th, 2009

The following link is an article that I read in the Corvallis GT on Sunday, March 8, 2009 about women feeling argy towrds their husbands.
http://www.parenting.com/article/Mom/Relationships/Mad-at-Dad

As I was searching the web for the above article I found a similar article at the following link.
http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/29565520/

Finally I found a Parenting Magazine blog on the same topic.
http://forums.parenting.com/showthread.php?t=4565

There seems to be a lot of energy out there directed at Dad. Here is my sure fire two and one half step guide to addressing the issues raised in these articles.

1. Listen

2. Help with chores, errands and the kids.

2 1/2. Do #2 without alwys being asked. Because after awhile it turns to nagging.

This is simple stuff.

Dads Influence on their Child’s Success

I have finished two of Malcolm Gladwell’s books, The Tipping Point and Blink and couldn’t put them down, they were just so fascinating. I am now reading his latest, Outliers, and it is equally riveting. So far he has made referenced two studies about factors in raising kids who become successful.

In one study sociologist Annette Lareau conducted a study of a group of third graders from both wealthy and poor families. What she found was there were only two parenting “philosophies” and they were divided almost perfectly along class lines. The wealthier parents raised their kids one way and the poorer families raised their kids another way. Lareau calls the middle class style “concerted cultivations” as it actively fosters and asses a child’s talents, opinions and skills.” Poorer parents tend to follow a strategy of “accomplishment of natural growth.” These parents see as their responsibility to care for their children but to let them grow and develop on their own.

Lareau stresses that one style isn’t morally better than the other but she states that concerted cultivation has enormous advantages. These children learn a sense of “entitlement.” Not the greedy, selfish entitlement but more of a self-worth, that they have the right to pursue their individual preferences. By contract, she says, poorer kids were characterized by “an emerging sense of distance, distrust and constraint.” What I read was these children don’t have the confidence in themselves.

What I get from all this is that dad’s role, whether wealthy or not, can positively their children’s self worth simply by being involved in their kids’ lives.

It’s so simple.